Hey, I’m Roachy.
A 5’4″ dad, homeowner, dog owner, and creative professional telling you exactly what’s worth buying — and what isn’t.
Who I Am
I’m Austin Roach — most people call me Roachy. I’m a husband, a new dad, and a homeowner. I’ve got three dogs (Golden Retriever / German Shepherd mixes who treat my yard like an obstacle course). I camp and hike whenever I can get away, and I make my living as an audio engineer, media producer, and online growth strategist.
That mix matters, because it’s exactly the lens I review through: real dad life, real home-and-yard projects, real trails, real dogs, and — because I’m 5’4″ — real talk about gear and clothing that actually fits shorter guys.
Why I Started Roachy Views
I got tired of reading reviews written by people who clearly never touched the product — five-star write-ups for stuff that falls apart in a month, and affiliate sites that recommend everything because everything pays. So I built the opposite: a place where I buy the product with my own money, actually live with it, and then tell you the truth — including what I didn’t like, every single time.
My goal is simple: buy the things that make life easier, put them through real use, and share my honest views so you can spend your hard-earned money well.
What Makes My Reviews Different
- I buy it. No brand pays me for a positive review. If I didn’t buy it, I don’t review it — and gifted products are always disclosed.
- I test it. Real use, real conditions. Not sitting in a box looking pretty for a photo.
- I score it honestly. Every product gets graded across five things that actually matter — no inflation.
- I always tell you the catch. Even a product I love gets at least one honest gripe. That’s the whole brand.
How I Score — The Roachy Rubric
Every product is scored out of 50 across five axes:
- Real-Life Performance — does it actually do the job in everyday use?
- Build Quality & Durability — will it survive dad life, the yard, the trail, and the dogs?
- Value for Money — is it worth the price versus the alternatives?
- Ease of Use & Setup — how much friction to actually live with it?
- The Roachy Factor — fit for real life: sizing and comfort (short-king friendly), family-friendly, the stuff spec sheets miss.
A 40–50 earns Roachy Approved. Anything under 20 lands on the Roachy Wouldn’t Buy list — and that review tells you what I switched to instead.
New Here? Start Here.
The fastest way in is my breakdown of how the whole system works and what each badge means.